Scott Aukerman wanted to write his bio himself, but the theatre wouldn't let him. Instead, they wanted me to write it -- Ulrich Chithers Barringverse III, the UCB professional bio writer!! Other than Mr. Aukerman being the executive producer of the weekly Comedy Death-Ray show, and the monthly Match Game shows, I don't know that much about him... Hmm... let's see... I guess this situation calls for "poetic license!" Just like in that Janet Jackson movie, where her character's name was... License, I guess. Hm. I think he was a writer/performer on a show called The Mister Mister Show with Barb and Diva. I know he's been around since like the last century or something. He did some lame pilot for Fox last year I think. Oh, forget it! This is too hard. I'm literally too old for this shit. I'm twenty-three! Too old to be writing bios. Bios are a young man's game, after all. I'm going to become a DJ. But not a DJ like Wolfman Jack; more like Mark Ronson or Girl Talk. Someone who gets into all the hottest clubs and hangs out with celebrities. That would be cool.